Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Top Three

Big Texas Sky
Top Three Worst Road Trips Of All Time

3.  December 2006.  Driving from Utah back to AZ (10 hours).  Jakson was cutting his first tooth and decided the appropriate action in that particular scenario was to scream.   For TEN.HOURS.STRAIGHT.  In a small car.   My poor grandmother was riding with us.  To this day she still talks about the horrors of that drive.  This is due either to the Willis elephant-like memory or the fact that it really was THAT bad.   Little did we know that it could get worse.

2.  June 2010.  Driving from Utah to TX in an attempt to find a job (close to 24 hours).  Unbeknownst to us, Jakson had decided that all public bathrooms AND the great outdoors were to be avoided for excretion.  The only acceptable place to pee was at home, which for obvious reasons was unavailable on the road.  Why he didn't inform us before we started the two day drive cross country, I do not know.  I may bring it up during my toast at his wedding.  The result was many attempted stops to alleviate the screaming in pain coming from the back seat.  Unfortunately, we did not succeed and Jak finally resorted to peeing in a Chick-Fil-A cup in the middle of West Texas which we then had to sit next to for a couple of hours.  

1.   July 2012.  Driving from Utah back to Houston (hmmm...do these all seem to have a common theme???  I'm never driving to Utah again).  What should have been about a 24 hour drive home ended up being almost 30.  That's six extra hours, people!! 

Storey started throwing up before we even left Salt Lake.  Fortunately the first time she was holding her princess pencil bag and most of the puke ended up in there (poor, poor princesses), but after that we weren't so lucky.  Especially Monkey who got the brunt of it.  I'm not sure which was worse, the smell in the car or the crying/whining/screaming about Monkey who was stuffed in a bag in the trunk like a corpse.  A very stinky, vomity corpse.

Finally, we got smart and stopped in a town for a mop bucket and saltines.   I didn't realize that I needed to teach my almost 4 year old that she needed to barf IN the bucket and not next to it.  Lesson learned.  That's my public service announcement for the day:  demonstrate. 

A girl and her bucket
As if that wasn't bad enough, we stopped in Monticello to get gas before heading onto the reservation only to find that the ENTIRE town had lost power.   The entire town?!?!?!  Because we didn't have enough gas to get to the next stop, we just had to sit around for awhile until the power came back.   Just our luck.

Thankfully, the Monkey whining ended at about midnight when I was able to bathe the poor thing with hotel shampoo.   I attempted to give him a blow dry but gave up and handed him over just to make the crying stop.   Monkey still has not had a decent wash since we've been home because Storey will not let the stinky thing out of her sight after such a catastrophic experience.  Kids are gross.

The next day Storey started having poop issues.  Every hour we either had a blow out (thank goodness I put her in diapers) or a puke fest and had to stop and clean up.  Poor guy at Sonic pulled up on his skates to hand us our food and Storey started barfing everywhere.  Zak had to ask him to wait while we cleaned her up.  I would have been embarrassed but let's be honest, I'm past that point by now.

In the end, we made it home, though I can't say "unscathed."  If you want to see us, you'll have to come here.  I'm not driving anywhere for a very long time.  

Jakson and friends (with annoying voices)
On an unrelated note, Jakson has now decided that playing pretend is fun.  He gave Animal and all of his other stuffed animals voices on our trip.  Very very annoying voices.  Stuck in a car with a puking girl and three stuffed animals that talk incessantly in high pitched whiny voices for 30 hours is definitely not what I signed up for.  But hey, he's playing pretend! 

4 comments:

Shenna said...

Sounds absolutely awful. So sorry you had to deal with throwing up in the car. There's truly nothing worse. At least you made it back alive, right? ;)

*katie said...

Oh my gosh, awful!! I'm so glad that you made it home all in one piece! And I'm sorry I laughed a few times as I read this. Really, I am!

Seth and Peggy said...

When were you in Monticello? I've been here since the 6th and we haven't lost any power...sorry to hear! That seemed to not be the worst part of the trip. I hate road trips, even if they go well.

Anne said...

It would be tragic if you didn't write about it in such a dang funny way. At least I got some laughing tears out of reading it.

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