Friday, August 19, 2011

Things will never be the same


My boy starts kindergarten on Monday. My little tiny baby. I feel.... Actually I'm not quite sure. Excited, sad, worried, unprepared, nervous, proud, old. I'm feeling very introspective. Did I use my time with him at home wisely? Did I play with him enough? Did I instill a sense of self strong enough that mean kids won't phase him? What will our mornings be like without him?

How did he get to be so big?

I didn't think I'd be feeling so sentimental. The whole school thing has just been one more task to mark off my list for quite awhile. Probably because getting to this point was a fight and very stressful. Deciding on a school and then convincing the administration to accommodate Jakson the way he needs was the source of many weeks of distress. My biggest obstacle, a shortened school day, was also the most important. Jakson is not ready for a full day of kindergarten. He gets overstimulated so easily and a long playdate often results in a 45 minute meltdown in his room. Not a pretty scene. It was best for the teacher, classmates, myself, and, most importantly, Jakson, to take the time to ease him into a full day. But according to them, the district "just doesn't do that".

Well, they do now, my friends.

Once that problem was solved, I figured it would be smooth sailing. Drop him off. Wave goodbye (hopefully without any sort of anxiety attack on his side). The end. But I am feeling more and more unprepared and sappy. A lunch? What the heck do I put in his lunchbox? He's just a baby! Should I make him a special breakfast? He's just a baby! Will I be able to keep from crying? He's just a baby!

Gosh, this is harder than I thought.
He's my little baby. When did he get big enough to leave me for school???


Megan said...

That was such a sweet post. I may have teared up a bit reading it but I will just blame it on my birth control. Stupid hormones! I am so excited for Jakson to start this new phase in his life and I hope it all is a smooth transition.

Anonymous said...

I feel exactly the same way...I am not dealing with the same obstacles, but I am dealing with the same feelings. My BABY, youngest of 3 is going to kindergarten and I am feeling all of those same things. Don't know how to feel, really. But I guess it was reassuring when I took him to the Dr. for his shots and he said that he seems "really comfortable with himself". I guess that is really the best I can ask for when I'm asking all those questions, like "did I play with him enough"? I keep asking him if he'd rather just stay home another year? Nope! He says. I guess he's ready...but I'm not :(

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I am already nervous about dropping my son off at preschool. Your post shared much of what I am working through.

Anonymous said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! My eldest has ADHD and my mother has told me over and over and over,"You are her advocate. Don't let the school push you over." I LOVE your "They do now."!!!!!

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