Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Complicated

Do you ever have those days/weeks/months when you just feel so unsure? There are so many things in our life that are in upheaval right now and I want so badly for all the drama to go away. That's probably why I love watching ridiculous shows like the Bachelorette so much. A couple of hours a week, I get lost in someone else's drama and walk away unscathed. Frank left? Doesn't bother me. Justin has a girlfriend at home? No, two? Oh, well.

I'm afraid I've turned into the target audience for that show....

After getting Jakson's diagnosis and talking with his psychologist, we started looking into various therapies. It didn't take long to discover that therapy is costly and Utah law doesn't require insurance companies to cover any of it. So, of course, insurance companies don't. I don't think they are in the business of compassion. After a little more research we found that 22 other states DO have laws on the books requiring insurance companies to cover autism related therapy. Some up to $50,000/year.

To make a five month long story short, we have done everything possible to find a job in another state (one of the 22) and move in order for Jakson to receive the therapy that he needs without us going broke, but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards. Last week, we drove down to Texas to make one last ditch effort, but ended up with nothing.

I take that back-we ended up with something. A car with a transmission problem costing more than the worth of the car. Consequently, we spent our "vacation" selling our dud car for parts and searching for a new-to-us car. What fun. But, no jobs were found.

As a result, we made the decision on the way back up (in our shiny new '00 Subaru, we're so Utah now) that we still need to move. Last year we had 2 days to find a home to rent here and were lucky to find something in our budget, though at the top. Now, we can take a little more time to find a cheaper home so that we have more money for Jak.

Problem? The homes that are for rent here suck. I've seen everything from plaid yellow and brown carpet in the living room (a little reminiscent of family photos in flannel shirts) to little a tiny room (listed as a "media room") meant for storing over 3,000 VHS tapes. If I was still in college the plaid carpet would have been a great conversation starter, but I like to think that I've matured beyond such things. The whole home search has been extremely discouraging.

Tonight we finally went to look at a house with potential. Only I'm so indecisive about everything. And I hate change. I'm afraid our table isn't going to quite fit in the eating nook (it is the first house that we've looked at with the dining area over tile instead of carpet--imagine toddlers eating over carpet. What a disaster that would be), or that I won't like the fact the living room doesn't have a lot of windows, there's no fireplace, and no ice maker in the freezer. Ugh. Am I being ridiculous?

Don't answer that.

I think I already know the answer.

17 comments:

Princess Martha said...

Dont insurance companies drive you insane?? Keep your chin up, just look at gorgeous kids everytime you feel down, they'll make you smile :-)

Covey and Justin said...

Boo! Carpet in the dining room does suck. We've got what used to be white carpet in the dining room. I would strongly suggest putting shower curtains under the kids' chairs if you go that route.

[AnnieR] said...

I think you're using the same coping mechanism I do when I get overwhelmed with life's huge stresses: I sweat the small stuff so I don't time to sweat the big stuff. So instead of going completely mental over health issues or a difficult financial situations, etc, we focus on things easier to deal with such as carpet in dining rooms and fridges without ice makers, etc. (Or in my case, a shower head with water pressure so low I might as well be showering with a garden hose or a kitchen sink without a garbage disposal.) A small part of me thinks that yes, we are being ridiculous and we need to properly mentally deal with the real matters at hand but the bigger part of me thinks "Hey, whatever gets you through the day." So I say, ride that train Beth. Be as ridiculous as you want.

Stacy said...

I know just how you feel. We have been trying to find a job for about 2 years now!!! It is so hard to plan for the here and now and not know where you will be in 6 months. I'm sure you looked into this but there are state programs that give you money for special needs schools. My old neighbor had a son and daughter that had autism and they got maybe, disability money or something for them to go to Pingree and do their therapy and school. Worth a try if you haven't already looked into it. Good luck my sweet friend. I don't enjoy these times of drama much either.

Char @ Crap I've Made said...

Ugh...I know you don't know me, but I'm a fellow Utahan with a kid with ASD (Asperger's). It stinks! I hate how much we've spent out of pocket already and I hate even more that we're STILL on a waiting list for OT THAT WE'LL BE PAYING FOR IN FULL after 4 months!

(((HUGS)))

Rebecca said...

we have a home in west jordan for rent. about 2500 square feet. and no carpet in the dining room! just wondering if that might be the location you're looking for and what your price range is (if you don't mind me asking:)
email me at rgridley@gmail.com if ya wanna chat:)

Anna said...

You're not ridiculous. We just moved OUT of a house that had carpet in the dining room and I swear I will jump off the roof if I ever have to pick mac and cheese out of carpet again. NO thanks.

Oh another note - I did email your post to my friend (has a 3 1/2 year old Autistic son) and she had a very unique, and humbling, response. If you want to see it, let me know and I'll be happy to forward it.

Megan said...

Ummmm....so apparently Nevada has a law that requires insurance companies to pay up to $36,000/year for treatments and therapies for autism. I am just saying... you guys can move down here back to the heat, close to Kiefer and I and we will babysit your babies anytime you want. Only downfall is that everything else in Vegas kinda sucks, but we make up for that, right??? :)

lindsay said...

You should rent our house. Seriously. It hasn't sold, due to the crappy market and we're going to start looking for a renter this weekend. Just sayin... :)

Cara said...

Don't EVEN get me started on insurance companies. We've had all kinds of trouble with our insurance company as my son recently got a feeding tube (refusing to cover the needed home health care, saying the actual NG tube wasn't covered but the feeding pump was, and refusing to cover his super costly formula because it isn't his "sole source of nutrition"). It's been one gigantic headache, and I can't even imagine what it must be like to contemplate moving just to obtain much needed health insurance coverage for your son. We're looking in to surgery for my son and also just starting down a path toward ADHD diagnosis and I'm really dreading facing down the insurance company again.

I hope you're able to find a rental soon, and no, you're not being ridiculous at all!

Lori said...

I think you need the ice maker for sure! :)

Also, our insurance doesn't cover the treatment either. We live in Alabama, but my husband works out of TX. Is it one of the states that requires it b/c his insurance doesn't cover it but I think it's his company and not the insurance company. Anyway, we are starting ABA tx next week.

Also, about the bathroom thing - We finally got Jack to use them by promising not to flush the toilet while he was in there. I know each child is different but it was the noise with him. Now if we cover his ears, he will use it. Maybe worth a shot?

KatieB said...

i know there are more important things i could say in regards to your post, but mostly i want to say, you visited texas and didn't let us know?????

Audra Bollard said...

if anyone is meant to be in texas it is you my friend. i can still remember you so clearly with all of your A&M gear in the dorms. how has so much time passed since then?

with all you have going on, carpet in the dining room is enough to put someone over the edge! stand strong on that one!

i will be praying that your big break happens and happens soon. if someone deserves a bit of good luck it is you.

Char @ Crap I've Made said...

My computer's dumb and I can't email you. You can email me at crapivemade@gmail.com if you want to chat more. The short answer is that my kid also has SPD (sensory processing disorder) and the OT is for that. I'm curious about who you've seen and where you've been. Holler if you want to chat!

Lisa said...

Insurance companies drive me insane! Our son has a ASD as well so we know the pain and difficulties your experiencing right now. Sadly even with moving to one of those 22 states it still doesn't guarantee you coverage. Your child has to be disabled enough. So if your child is talking at all, engaging at all your on your own! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Even when it feels like you may be please know you are not alone.

Jen and Reed said...

Oh Beth. I'm not a crappy insurance company and I do have compassion for you. I know you are a stylish girl, but maybe living in a less-than-stylish home is a sacrifice you need to make for a little while. I know you know that...just giving encouragement. We'll pray for you. Missed you at the reunion. Tell Zak goodluck...and hang in there...both of you.

Jenny said...

You are all in our prayers. We love you guys. I am sorry you are having to go through this. But on a positive note, here are a few things I found when reading....

[D&C 78:18­19]
And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.
And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious.

and in 1 Nephi 3:7
I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded(trialed) , for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments(trials) unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth(trialed)them.

Beth, you and Zac are awesome parents. It does seem like you have both been raised and guided your whole lives to be able to bear this burden. And the burden part may be that Jak wont be the first picture you had for him, or what you are going through with insurance, but he is an amazing boy and a wonderful blessing, and the Lord is there for you and will help you in anyway possible when you turn to him.
There will be an end, and peace will come. We love you! I will keep my eyes and ears open here in case any jobs open up.

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