Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Here's the story from A to Z....

Pick up at Jak's preschool is a little like a Spice Girl reunion gone wrong.

There's Sporty Spice--the mom that drops her kid off in full work out attire.
Every single day.
She's very committed. Or she just really likes work out clothes.
Sometimes she'll up the authenticity with a towel around her neck.
I can't tell if it's sweaty or not, but I believe her.

Baby Spice--the mom who looks about 17.
And has a three year old.
And two other kids.

Posh Spice is my favorite.
She shows up in 4 inch heels, a modest, but tight dress, her Blackberry to her ear.
Of course, her hair is perfectly coiffed with a Bump-it.
People, this is Utah.
Bump-it: don't leave home without it.

Scary Spice.
Always looks like she rolled out of bed just in time to throw herself (and kid) in the car.
Lady, that's what a beanie is for.
But no, she definitely prefers the au natural look.

Ginger Spice is late everyday.
Her kid is always the last to be picked up and (I'm assuming) the last to arrive.
Unreliable just like the Spice Girl version who ditched her friends early for a "better" gig.
How many little girls did she devastate?

And then there's me.
I'm not exactly sure where I fit in.

Unkempt Spice?
At least I remember a beanie-the great equalizer.
If I'm wearing a beanie, you can't tell if my hair is freshly washed or hasn't been for days.

Frazzled Spice?
Why do children insist on fighting in enclosed spaces like the car?

Mommy Spice.
Seems the most fitting.
I now dress like a mom (sans the mom jeans, I'll leave that to Steve Jobs).
I definitely have the "wear kids' spit up and parts of their breakfast" look though.
I have mastered the mom glare,
not to be confused with the teacher glare, something I had down years ago.
My conversations consist of recounts of temper tantrums and attempts at toilet training.
And my kisses have healing powers bordering the miraculous.

Now if I could just learn all of those awesome dance moves.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.


edith said...

This is hilarious, Beth! You should be a stand up comedian. A day with Beth or something like that.

And from now on, I will see the moms that pick up their kids at Lukas' preschool in a different light.

bethany said...

A new career move might not be a bad idea-sure would pay more than Etsy :)

Melissa said...

I totally needed that laugh today!
You definately are mommy spice.
Gotta love Utah and the bump hair and endless fake blondes. that seems mandatory if you live there.

North Family Arizona said...

Beth You ARE AWESOME!!!!

I LOVE the spice girls. In fact I had to pull up my pandora spice radio just in honor of you.

By the way, you could make this into an awesome ward talent show entry!!!

You could totally change the words a little to "Stop" to make it sound like all the moms are telling their kids to stop right now!!! It would be so awesome!!

This has You-Tube stars all over it!

This is Phil and I'm not ashamed of my taste in music.

Beth Ann said...

Sorry, I don't usually post but I had to on this one. I have been laughing so hysterically hard from reading this post, I had to say thank you! You should write a book, I'd buy it for sure! You're have an awesome writing style. Simply hilarious!

Sabrina said...

That was hillarious! I love it.

Amanda said...

Great, great post!

KatieB said...

very astute observations. many of the spice girls seem to attend our preschool as well.

Jo Shabo said...

Loved reading this- that was such a great way to describe the different moms- too funny!

JENNY said...

that was the best thing that has happened to me all day... .thanks for the good laugh... oh the UTAH mommy world... :)

[AnnieR] said...

Yep, I miss you.

rawhide said...

ha ha ha ha.....after a long and stressful day at work...i liked reading this post.

Heather Clayton Coons said...

That was so hilarious! I meant to tell you that it made my day. P.S. I also read it aloud to my husband and he laughed.
P.P.S. Funny story--we made your bread from a previous entry and took it to our ward's "Iron Chef" (I didn't know it was going on until a few hours before) won first place in the appetizers division! Thank you for sharing such an award-winning recipe!

mikbeth said...

You are hilarious! I love the Spice Girls and the kids have repeatedly asked to listen to my CD lately, "Mommy, we want 'the Girls.'"

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