Thursday, July 31, 2008

Random Thoughts of a Pregnant Woman

In the last 8 months, I think I've lost touch with the reality of the changes two children will bring-I just keep thinking "Get this kid out of me!" as opposed to "Am I really ready for this?" In a way, I'm like Jakson---in denial that anything is really going to change.

This morning, I called my friend Kit to congratulate her on the birth of her baby boy and the conversation soon turned to the adjustments that will have to be made with a new baby. Her daughter Kayda (one month older than Jakson) is very excited about her baby brother and can speak well enough to convey her excitement. On the other hand, I feel like as much as we try to help Jak understand, he doesn't seem to care, although once the baby invades his space, I have a feeling he is going to care IMMENSELY.

All day I've been worrying about how he and I are going to manage the changes...I'm so used to it being just me and Jak. We're buddies....does three make a crowd? Some days I can hardly handle one, how will I deal with two? Then the initial worries of "will I be able to love another person just as much?" come flooding back.

I'm worried about post-partum depression, I'm worried about grocery shopping with a tod and newborn (how will I fit them both in the cart? It's hard to wrestle one), I'm worried about our routine changing.....

Thank goodness for a fabulous husband who has already insisted that he will be getting up at night and will continue to take on the responsibility of bedtime with Jakson. My worries would be far greater if not for him. And for Him-I have a feeling that the verse "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" will take on a whole new meaning over the next few months.


Shenna said...

You can do it Beth!! As for the grocery shopping, you don't fit both in the cart. The baby goes in a sling/baby carrier, and the other goes into the cart. I'm not sure how to make it work another way. If you find a different solution, clue me in! :) How's Jakson feeling?

Veronica said...

Bethany, I have to say how much I enjoy reading your blog, althought I'm terrible about commenting. I think I could have easily written this post 2 1/2 years ago before Hailey was born. I wish I knew then what I know now.

I suffered from the worst imaginable PPD, and I know now that much of it could have been avoided if I'd let go of my worry and let the Lord take over. I was sooooo worried about loving my little girl as much as I loved my little boy. I couldn't even imagine it.

It's funny that I read this very post tonight because just a few hours ago as I tucked the kids into bed, I stroked Hailey's hair and a lump formed in my throat (the same lump that is there now). I looked at her and my heart swelled so big that it could burst. Oh how I love that sweet girl.

It's amazing how when you add another child to the family, it's like your heart doubles in size and you have a new "bank account of love" made especially for that new person. And now my heart is tripled in size!

The love and the bond will come. Give it time. It will be an adjustment, but it will happen and a few years from now you too will look at that sweet girl and wonder how you ever thought you couldn't love her as much as you do her brother.

And as for J not "understanding", that will happen too. It was surely an adjustment for all of us in the beginning when Hailey came home, but the two are absolutely best friends now and they love each other beyond words. There is no greater joy in life than watching your children become friends and be affectionate with each other. And now that we have Lauren, well the love is even bigger in our family and I'm so ready to add a fourth one! I now know that the love is there for each child and it only grows. You will do fine and like I said, one day you'll look back and wonder why you were ever concerned.

Oh, and as for shopping trips, take it one trip at a time and learn from your mistakes! Baby slings are a Godsend. Good luck!!!

Veronica said...

BTW, sorry for the epistle! And sorry for the spelling errors. It's late and I'm tired...'nuff said.

j&krosser said...

Beth adjusting to two for us will soon show its true colors. we just brought baby home and so far things are going good but time will tell. Kayda like Jakson loved the basinet and baby prep items but now we are home she is eager to help. Jackson will love his new little sister. One important thing I found was giving Kayda love and attention while mom and baby were at the hospital. Kayda got to see brother as soon as possible and I came home and napped with her and called her often so she knew she was loved. Things will be great.


Brit said...

I'm right there with you! We're making the same exact transition in about 7 weeks. I have the same exact thoughts. I'm also really scared about the whole sleep situation and the lack there of. I feel like I'm really going to miss the one on one time that I have with my little E and that I will be so sleep deprived and impatient that I won't be very fun to be around. :( Good luck! Just know that there's someone right there in the trenches with you! If you get any good ideas on how to get through certain things, pass them on!

Gina said...

Beth, I had those same feelings when I was preg with Avery! I was so depressed and wondered how I could ever do it! You heart will expand to love this new baby and so will Jak's.
You will do great.
Hey could you send me your address? Just email me at ginakhill(at)gmail(dot)com

Covey and Justin said...

You are going to be fine!! EJ and Lydia are 19 months apart and it was tough at first but now (She's 4.5 months old) it works out great most of the time!! A couple of things I would suggest:
1) Nursing Basket. These are toys that he can play with only while you are nursing or feeding the baby. This keeps them new and it keep him from being jealous. On bad days, we have video time and I nurse Lydia while EJ vegges out.
2)Snugli or Sling for the baby. Elijah still doesn't do well holding hands in parking lots etc. I have to carry him to keep him safe. I put Lydia into the sling and EJ on my hip. IT is so much easier than trying to manage that HUGE carseat and Elijah too!
3) Present for Jackson. Have the baby bring Jackson a present. Make a big deal that the baby brought it. It helped make EJ like Lydia right away.
4) Don't be overly cautious with the baby and Jackson. If all he hears is "Careful! Gentile! No!" HE won't like the baby. Lydia and EJ are never alone but he helps her in the exersaucer and bouncer and she loves the rough play. She also loves it when he tickles and snuggles her. The term we use is "Agressive love."
5) Remember both will cry and they will tag team you!! I swear some nights I don't even need PJs because they both get up so much. Just take each day as it comes and you will be able to handle it. IF they are both crying tend to Jackson first. The baby won't remember it but he will.
6)Get away from the kids. I workout every morning for an hour at the gym and leave the kids in childwatch. I also get my shower and shave. IT makes me feel human and I am a MUCH better mother for it. Even when Lydia was too small to go in childwatch she would sit in her carseat while Elijah played. I would still get a shower and it felt so good!!
7) If people offer to help let them!! I was so anemic and weak after Lydia's birth I had people cleaning my bathrooms, babysitting EJ, vacuuming and cooking our meals. It was a wonderful 2 week break from reality!
8) Don't stress about them napping at the same time. I like the one one one time it gives me with each munchkin. It's hard to not get a nap but it is still nice.
9) ROUTINE!! If you can get the baby on a good routine (I wake Lydia up the same time every morning for the first feeding and go from there). It is helpful in setting up playdates, running errands etc.

Sorry this is so long . . . It is just that I have so recently been there and want to help! If it makes you feel better, it was about 100 times easier adjusting to life with two than it was to life with one. When you have your first your whole world changes, with the second it isn't as drastic.

Audra Bollard said...

You are smart to draw upon your two greatest resources for strength. The hardest part is getting over the mindset that you have to do things exactly the same way as you did with Jakson. But I think it starts to even out in the end--eventually Jak will got to preschool and you may spend more one on one time with #2 then. Plus it is SO rewarding to eventually see the joy your children will find in each other as siblings.

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