Monday, January 15, 2007

Relating to the lyrics

Sometimes it feels like I was single yesterday, then other times it feels like I have been married forever. Not like bad, Sandlot FOR-E-VER, but forever like I call every boy I ever dated "Zak." I used to listen to some really angry/bitter music-Fiona Apple, Dashboard Confessional, etc. and I remember GETTING them. Now, I listen and think "Wow, Dash has a really great vocabulary." What? What has happened to me? Because I'm in Houston-where I was single (obviously in h.s and then over the summers of college/EFY), I've decided to pay tribute to Bitter Beth with this incomplete piece of writing from days of old. Some of you may relate--many of you at one time had emotionally flatlined-may this remind you of those days, months or years.

Peter Pan and Me

Not Exactly The Fairy Tale I Was Looking For

Every girl dreams of fairy tale endings. Unfortunately, we don’t always get to choose the fairy tale. In my case, instead of Prince Charming, I got Peter Pan- A nice boy with an intense phobia of reality.

At a time when I least expected, and least wanted a relationship, Peter landed in my life. He was everything I wanted in a boy and although he didn’t convince me to fly away with him, he did persuade me to render my hesitant hand. Little did I know that this connection, laden with illusions, would result in a fierce lack of magic in the end.

At first, he seemed so down to earth and ready for something real. Peter told me that he wouldn’t be like “all of the other boys.” He encouraged me to think happy thoughts. Unfortunately, my happy thoughts consisted of things such as flowers, love notes, and possibly a dazzling ring. Little did I know that his happy thoughts were typical of all Lost Boys; X-box games, expensive cars, and Hooters girls.


My story ended the way they always do when spending time in Neverland; the sound of a thud as the enchantment of the fairy dust vanished and the realization that another thimble had been given in a futile attempt to become part of a fairy tale.

I’ve found that the first intimation that you are dealing with Peter is his abundance of denial methods. If you ever accuse him of having relationship phobia, he quickly tries to prove you’re mistaken with a bouquet of flowers and a scribbled note assuring you of his everlasting love. Interestingly, you recognize many of the lines from the blockbuster you rented last weekend. Still, you know he’s Peter, not because of his green tights and pointy hat, but because of his longing glances at his single friends watching Sports Center as you walk hand in hand out the door.

Peter’s most destructive characteristic is his uncanny expertise in the art of persuasion. The way he is able to manipulate you into believing that all is well in Neverland is very disturbing. Every woman believes herself level headed and quick to judge a fake. Unfortunately, Peter and his Lost Boys have refined the skill to deceit.

I have devoured every self-empowering book on the market and religiously swear to myself that I will never be caught in the shadow of deception again. But somehow I always end up as Wendy; that is totally devoted to a deceptive youth, who deems her as dispensible. It is hard to be mad at him because he is so clueless and wrapped up his fanstamical land that he doesn’t understand the real world and real emotions.

I offered Peter true love and he gave it up for Neverland. Someday I will find a MAN willing to grow up and leave Hook behind. Until then, before exchanging thimbles, I will be sure to look for the telltale signs-a bag of fairy dust and an obsession with his own shadow.

3 comments:

Annie said...

Now I know why you wanted our "Dumb Things Guy Say" book so bad! This would indeed fit well into the book's "Things We Say Back to Them" chapter. I would send it back to you if I could find it because you've earned it. Perhaps the book was left behind years and years ago in my own little Neverland, the land of make believe where Wendy can have relationships with seven Lost Boys at the same time.

Melissa said...

Wow Beth, this brings back memories of the joyful Sophmore year at Northwoods 6. We had a lot of growing up to do, didn't we? I hope you never spend another minute belting out Fiona Apple because of your pent up rage.

Katie Brown said...

um, anyone remember this little diddy?

"Pride,
Shrinking like my khakis in the dryer.
How can you sleep
Knowing you make me feel so small?"

Unfortunately, I still have it committed to memory....

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